FROM THE OUTSIDE IN

The past couple have weeks have been quite a rollercoaster. But don’t worry I am not sharing about that today. I am currently a model without an agent. I have decided that I needed change and even though my agency here in Cape Town has been so good to me I have decided to move on. I haven’t signed with a new agent yet as I decided I need a bit of a break from all the crazy, believe it or not but even models need to break away from this up and down lifestyle every now and then.

In this time I’ve been able to look at things from a different perspective, from the outside in a way. I had a moment the other day at the gym. I was on the treadmill and I saw this chick with an amazing body walking on the opposite side of the gym, she was wearing just her gym tights with a crop top and she wore them well! I realized normally in a situation like that my guard would instantly go up and I would start comparing, also wondering if she’s maybe a model (secretly hoping she’s not of course). I know how bad it sounds, and how sad it is to have that much insecurity. But this day I saw this beautiful woman and none of that happened, I actually was amazed at how beautiful she was and how good her body looked without any of the negatives. It struck me that I felt free of that competitive feeling and was able to really be inspired by this woman to work harder on myself.

After that ‘revelation’ I realized that there were so many things that I allowed to play with my mind while I was in the midst of being a working model, running after jobs and chasing castings to make it as a ‘top girl’ in the modelling world. But once I stepped out of all of that I could refresh my way of thinking about being a model. Sadly I’m still not there where I am very excited about the job yet, but I will get there.

I did realize in the past weeks how many amazing things are actually part of this industry, how many amazing opportunities one gets. Unfortunately some people (myself included) take the ‘awe’ out of awesome, and then the awesome experience or job or opportunity just becomes ‘some’ of the jobs you did without realizing how fortunate you are. I thought about doing something else in this time of my break but it’s funny how easily we get used to and comfortable in our current way of living. I couldn’t even bare to think of myself in a job where I need to go into work every day at a certain time, and be there the whole day. I’m not bashing that lifestyle at all, I just can’t see myself there because I’ve never been used to that.

I think sometimes we allow our own minds to ruin something quite amazing. We allow the negatives, which is sadly part of every job or lifestyle, to sometimes paint the picture for us. We forget that we can control what we think, and if not then we can control how you respond or act on the thoughts we have.

Have you ever met someone that is relentlessly positive or optimistic? And every time you want to complain they respond with a positive thought. Quite annoying isn’t it? Well as annoying as it might be, I think those people are needed more. We easily fall in the trap of complaining about things that actually isn’t that bad, and even if it is, maybe the way you think about it, or even the way you respond to your thoughts about it can change the way you see it completely. I am not going to say that I do that, because I really don’t. But I know that sometimes we actually need to take our thoughts captive before they spiral. I know that’s what I need to do before stepping fully back into this model world. It can honestly change your whole outlook on what you are doing or the situation you are facing.

Modelling can be beautiful and freeing if one allows it to be, the same for every other job or lifestyle. Maybe we need to start looking at all the positives in what we have so we can live a grateful life without the silly insecurities and competition. I know I need to do that, maybe I’ll become one of those annoyingly optimistic people and next time you read my blog it will annoy you but empower you at the same time.

Images : Jeff Bergen 2014 – 2016  – https://www.instagram.com/jeffbergen/