UN-BOXED - Model.Life.

I’ve experienced it many times throughout my career as a model, the feeling of insignificance. Starting out in a new job or new school one will always feel a little lost and unfitted. But as you grow in the job or school and you get to know more people learn the way things work you start feeling a bit more settled. As a new model one must learn, rather quickly, that rejection is inevitable. It might be that the only time that you really feel ‘important’ or like ‘you’ve got this’ is when you have booked the job and you have the clients focus.

Test shoot 2012

I started my modelling career in Johannesburg. I drove from Pretoria to Johannesburg almost every day for castings. When I finished high school one of my first ‘big’ castings was for Coca-Cola. Obviously I thought this was going to be my big break. Still quite new to how it all worked I walked into the casting studio with confidence. I got my number and waited along with all the other models. I can’t remember exactly what we had to do for the roll but what I do remember is that I got a callback for it. (They called me back for another casting before they decided who they wanted.) How exciting, to think, one of my first big jobs was going to be for Coca-Cola! My mom came with me that day. When we got to the same casting studio that was filled with eager models just a couple of days before, it was almost to quiet, we weren’t even sure if we were in the right place. Eventually a lady came out to help me. She had a list of names in front of her and asked for mine. When I gave it to her she scrolled through the list and looked back up at me and asked if I’m sure I’m supposed to be here. My heart dropped. I showed her the message I got. She took a moment, when she came back my heart dropped even more. She explained that unfortunately the people for the callback has been chosen and if my name isn’t on the list they can’t cast me. You can probably imagine my disappointment. Not only did I drive all the way from Pretoria for this, but I thought I was good enough. I thought this would be my break to become a ‘well known’ model.

Erre Fashion 2012

After that experience and many more similar, I realized that rejection is part of the package deal of being a model. But what I also realized is that feeling insignificant isn’t, that’s completely your own choice. In every job, relationship, friendship or opportunity one takes or goes through in life there will be opportunity for rejection. But it’s up to you if you are going to allow that to make you feel less than you are.

As I grew in my career I had to go through many not so great moments, as I’m sure most people do. I had to start over, make new friends, meet new clients and go through that rejection over and over again. As I grew I started realizing that I might have blonde hair, long legs and a slim figure like every other blonde model out there, and even though most of our work is chosen for our look, the way I represent myself with clients and my colleagues will make the difference. I can’t box myself into a category and expect to stand out.

Since about 4 years ago the whole way I approached castings and clients changed. I had confidence when I walked in the room, but not the confidence that I’m going to book the job but more confidence in myself as a person. I wasn’t trying to be anything or anyone else but myself. I made conversation and maybe added a funny line or two while sitting with the client or doing my casting, not because I was trying to impress but that’s just who I am. I didn’t pretend like I was the best or knew everything but I made my mistakes and laughed about them. Ever since I decided to do that I have made many friends with clients and crew members. I started booking a lot more jobs and clients and production companies actually remembered who I am. For the past 4 years I have had the busiest seasons I’ve ever had working as a model. I have had many times where clients I worked for previously, ask to see me again and I get booked to do another job with them.

The Fix Campaign 2015

My point is, in every area in our lives there will be a demand of certain things; a demand to do a job better or equal than the previous candidate, a demand to give your friend a certain emotional support, a demand to love someone in the way they expect, a demand to be a stereotypical model that is just a pretty face that takes a lot of selfies. But if you are going to try and fit who you are into all the demands everyone has you will always feel insignificant because you will always feel like what you have to offer is not good enough. It’s when you start ‘un-boxing’ yourself when things starts being a bit more simple.

Let’s just be real for a moment, I really don’t have this figured out. In fact I recently had a moment where I felt so lost and insignificant in what I am doing, I might have shed a whole bunch of tears over it as well. But I guess we have to constantly remind ourselves of who we really are. Stop comparing and putting expectation on what we should do or how we should do it, and bring it back to basics. Bring it back to who you are and not what you think everyone else thinks you should be. Take yourself out of that box, or boxes, you or anyone else have put you in and enjoy who you have been made to be, even if it’s completely different from everyone around you.